Gingerbread House

THE BITS
in keeping with the holiday spirit, [The Now Former Male] and I made a gingerbread house. YAY!

Except not from scratch.

Once upon a time my mom and I tried to follow Martha Stewart's recipe for a gingerbread house. We made the dough, chilled it, made the templates/stencils, cut out and baked the entire house, and then 8 hours of that BS later we were too tired to even attempt assembly. We gave up and put the cookie sheets of house pieces up high out of reach of cats... and then forgot about them for two months. Once I tried to make one myself and assemble the sides with caramelized sugar, but I burned the fuck out of my hands and the damn thing fell spectacularly to pieces. My patience and the pieces ended up in the garbage can.

Long story short, I decided gingerbread houses are for people who have endless amounts of time on their hands. I am not one of those people.

THE NIBBLES
No ingredients... see above. I cheated and it was worth it because it still took 6 damn hours. And since there are no ingredients, I am only posting photos with comments. Enjoy!

Gingerbread house pieces and bowls of candy beckoning us to assemble the house. (yes, my dinning room table is really my desk)

the house put together with royal icing and mugs holding the roof panels up. Inventive, I know.

Smashing rock hard gumdrops and spearmint leaves while we waited an hour for the house to dry

spearmint leaves being turned into pine trees via scissors and creative squishing by yours truly

we discovered that a lot of water would thin out the icing and make it super smooth on the roof

this is my favorite part of the entire house. While he put a Twizzler trim on the edges, I put the tiny jawbreakers on the roof

the one with the hat is mine. The one with a green shirt, red suspenders, and yellow pants is [The Now Former Male]'s.

this took far too much effort and by the time I put the window panes on, it dawned on us that we should have decorated it flat and THEN assembled the house. Lesson learned.

6 hours later, we had a gingerbread house that looks like children decorated it

Lesson learned: ice and decorate the roof and side panels BEFORE assembling so as not to have drippy lines. Amazing the kind of common sense that is revealed through trial and error!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

AB humor

My inspiration for this/dear friend and foodie Derrick sent me this which is courtesy of Natalie Dee



I love Alton, but you have to admit this is ridiculously accurate.

Braised Brussel Sprouts

THE BITS
I’m a big fan of the show Good Eats. More often than not, Alton Brown inspires me to make something delicious. I think he goes way overboard with preparation some times, but the man knows his shit so I don’t question it. After an episode of Good Eats devoted entirely to those tiny cabbage cousins, I saw my first stalk of brussel sprouts and then I made it a mission to hunt them down.

Brussel sprouts on the stalk used to be quite the rare find at your every day grocery store, but as time goes on they appear more and more. Since the flavor is so much better than frozen or pre-cut, if I can’t buy them on the stalk, I don’t even bother anymore. At roughly $4-$5 per stalk (versus $4 for a wee paper container of a little over a dozen) you get much more bang for your buck as well. Tip: when buying stalks, make sure you buy a stalk with a good mix of small, medium, and large. The smaller the sprout, the sweeter it is. The larger the sprout, the more skunky it can be. A stalk with a mix means it's not too young and not too old.

Mr. Brown prepared his sprouts several ways and two in particular caught my eye… the roasted version and the grilled version. The roasted version wouldn't work in my oven - it's uneven cooking would either under cook them or turn them into mushy masses. And grilling? Well I live in an apartment and grilling is not an option. But I still wanted that delicious crispy brown, almost black char so I thought why not try it in a pan and try braising the little buggers?

Three attempts later (all of which were delicious, but not quite what I wanted) I’ve perfected them. I’ve even converted 2 previous brussel sprout haters with this simple method.

THE NIBBLES

Ingredients:
1 stalk Brussel Sprouts
Olive Oil
Butter
Kosher Salt
Fresh Ground Black Pepper
Water

This is quite easy; it just takes a bit of prep work.

Behold! The brussel sprout stalk full of delicious goodness!

See those long slightly purple things sticking out? Yank them off first and it will make the next step easier. Using a paring or other small knife (large ones tend to cut into the next sprout as you go down) work your way down and cut each individual sprout off the stalk. You need to keep a tiny bit of the core on each or they will fall apart, but cut off any large cores/stems.

Halve or quarter each sprout (only quarter the large sprouts - the smaller ones only need to be halved) and toss into a colander to rinse. Get your deepest frying pan out and set it over medium high heat. Drizzle in just enough olive oil to coat the pan. Rinse, drain, and then toss the quartered sprouts into the hot pan.


You should hear a nice sizzle and pop. Try to turn the cut side down into to hot oil and then step back. Let those buggers get nice and browned, checking them every 3 minutes until they are a nice dark brown. Toss a few times as you stir. I keep putting the browning ones face down to the hot side of the pan. You don’t want to burn them, but you want a nice browned brussel because the flavor this step creates is amazing.

They should look like this:


Okay now that about a third of the pan is nice and dark and the rest are still green, throw in 1-3 tablespoons of butter and stir until the butter melts. Add 4-5 tablespoons of water and immediately throw a lid on the pan. This step cooks the sprouts all the way through.

Turn the heat down to medium and let steam 10 minutes or so until they are just becoming tender, but not mushy. (Don’t you dare let these get mushy!) They should still be quite green and not yellowy green. Remove the lid, and taste. If you like butter, add some more. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve immediately and savor the deliciousness.

Cranberry Sauce

THE BITS:

This is how the decision to make cranberry sauce from scratch came to be. We were watching "Food Network Thanksgiving something or other" and apparently cranberry sauce baffles the masses. I admit, I didn't know how to make it, but after watching an elaborate display of douchebaggery, [The Now Former Male] spoke up:

him: we should try making that
me: it can't be that difficult if those two morons can do it

the next day

him: I got some cranberries and cranberry juice
me: okay, and?
him: let's make cranberry sauce
me: oooh! yes! smooth or chunky?
him: you know I love cranberry so I'm gonna say chunky
me: done deal

Had I known it was this easy, I would have done this years ago.

Most recipes call for water. We decided to up the anty and use cranberry juice instead. I think the only thing I'd do differently next time is add another half a cup of sugar because this came out a tiny bit more bitter than I like, but [The Now Former Male] loved it and I have a bit of a sweet tooth. However, it did go extremely well with turkey as it was so maybe there would be no change.

THE NIBBLES:


Ingredients
2 bags fresh cranberries
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups cranberry juice

You can reduce this by half if you have a smaller brood to feed.

Pour the cranberry juice and sugar into a pot and bring to a boil. Rinse and drain the cranberries (I found a few bits of twig-like items and some mushy berries so I'm glad I took this step.) Pour cranberries into the boiling sugar juice combo. Bring back to a boil. The skins on the berries will start popping and cracking open almost immediately. Reduce heat to low and let simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. It will look like this:


Turn the heat off and let the berry mix cool for a few minutes.

If you want smooth cranberry sauce:

Take a wire mesh strainer and put it over a bowl. Gradually pour the cranberry mixture through the strainer and use a large spoon to mash the berries against the strainer. Scrape off the outside of the strainer as you go to collect the yummy bits. Repeat until you've done this to the entire pot.

Let bowl cool to room temperature then set in fridge for several hours.

If you want chunky cranberry sauce:

Once you've turned the heat off, take a potato masher and smash the berries. Don't pulverize them, just smash them a bit. It should only take 6 or 7 smashes to achieve the desired consistency. I did not want any whole berries so I ran a spoon through and anytime I found a whole one, I pushed it against the side of the pot to pop it.

Pour into bowl and let cool to room temperature, then set in fridge for several hours.

And just like that, you have cranberry sauce. That's it. 20 minutes of minimal effort.

We opted for chunky:

mmmmm, cranberry sauce

Warm Lemony Greek Potato Salad

THE BITS
I needed something starchy, but also something with a bit of citrus to compliment crab cakes (again, recipe coming soon) and I wanted something to keep with my summer theme (see "the bits" portion of Summer Salad.) I called my mom and sure enough, she had the perfect recipe. My mom rocks like that. Maybe I should just start calling her Super Mom.

Serving this warm takes on a different flavor and texture than a cold potato salad does.

THE NIBBLES

Ingredients:
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tsp lemon zest
3 Tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice (about half of the lemon)
2 tsp olive oil
1 tsp Oregano
2 tsp Mint
Pinch of Kosher Salt (don’t need much)
Pepper (4 or 5 grinds)
Baby red potatoes

In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the mayo, olive oil, lemon juice, lemon zest, and dried herbs (pinch the herbs with your fingertips a few times to grind slightly before adding to the liquid to really bring out the flavor), and then set in the fridge to allow the flavors to absorb. By the time the potatoes are ready, this mix should be perfect.

Rinse and then cut the potatoes into quarters. Make them bite sized. Boil until fork tender, strain, and let cool a bit. You want them warm, not hot. When potatoes have achieved the desired temperature, add them to the mayo mixture and stir to coat the potatoes. Let the potatoes and mayo mixture get nice and cozy together for a few minutes and then serve.

Summer Salad

THE BITS

I was looking for something light, crunchy, and zippy to go with the crab cakes (recipe coming soon - it's worth the wait) I was making. Low and behold I had most of these ingredients in the fridge. There is quite a bit of dicing involved with this, but that makes me very happy. I love to cut/chop/dice/etc. It's kind of like therapy in a way.

I call this Summer Salad because the lightness reminds me of a refreshing side dish to a summer meal. Why was the summer theme so important? Because it was my first Valentine's Day with The Now Former Male and I wanted to not only impress him, but also to warm us up by reminding us of summer. Sure enough, an ice storm hit the night before and we woke up to an icy V-Day. The entire meal (Summer Salad, a warm potato salad, and crab cakes) ended up being the perfect meal.

As it turns out, I use this salad a lot. It's very light, simple, and incredibly versatile.

THE NIBBLES

(click to enlarge)
Ingredients:
1 red bell pepper
1/2 red onion
1/2 English cucumber
4 ears of corn (can be substituted: see note below)
1 can black beans (recommended: Goya)
1 bunch fresh flat leaf parsley
Olive Oil
Red Wine Vinegar
Salt and Pepper

Boil four ears of corn until cooked through. Remove from heat, rinse under icy cold water to cool (or plunge into an ice bath). When cool to the touch, cut the corn off the cob and set aside. If you prefer not to use this method or corn is out of season, thaw out 1 1/4 cups frozen whole kernel corn. Fresh has a slightly different taste, but thawed frozen is still very good. (Canned is also an option but make sure it's just in water and there's no sodium added. Drain and rinse off canned corn if you use that.)

Clean, slice into strips, and then dice the red pepper, cucumber, and red onion and throw everything into a large bowl. This should ultimately work out to roughly a cup each of the pepper and cuc, 1/2 cup of onion. Drain and rinse the black beans and add to the diced veggies. Add the fresh cut or thawed out corn.

Now add a few tablespoons of olive oil - just enough to barely coat everything. Do the same with the red wine vinegar. Mix with a spoon until it's oh so pretty! Now taste it. You should be able to taste the vinegar right away, but you don't want it overpowering. I'm a fan of vinegar though so I'll add a little more than most people probably would. Sprinkle with a pinch of kosher salt and 5 or 6 grinds of black pepper. Just enough to bring out the flavors of all the ingredients.

Now it's parsley time!

The parsley is added after the wet ingredients for two reasons. One: so that it does not influence the taste of the vinegar as you're adding that to the veggies. And Two: so it will stick to the veggies rather than wash off and sink to the bottom as you add to oil and vinegar.

Pull the leaves off the parsley bunch and chop fine. You don't want to pulverize it, but you don't want huge leaves either. You want something in the middle. You'll need about a half a cup so chop chop chop! Add the parsley to the party and stir to combine. Put it in the fridge a few hours before serving or over night. Unlike Cucumber Salad, this does not wilt very quickly and keeps a bit longer.

Serve as a side dish, relish, or a salad topper.

Cucumber Salad

THE BITS

After a horrific break up from my first love, I spent a year living with my grandparents. My grandma cooked light during the week, went out with grandpa on Saturday nights (most of the time), and Sunday was the meal she put her elbows into. During the summer, lighter fare was always preferred. My grandma loved (and I mean LOVED) fresh vegetables and liked them prepared very simply. Often times you'd find her chomping away at a tomato (with a salt shaker nearby) just like she was eating an apple.

One of her favorite and easy to make dishes was cucumber salad. Naturally she preferred it with tomatoes but since I loathes tomatoes raw and I was her most favoritest granddaughter EVER, she would alter certain recipes when I was there. Grandma's Tovah-friendly version was made with regular cucumbers, white onion, and tomatoes.

I've changed it a bit to cater to my own personal preferences by substituting the white onion for red, and the tomatoes have been replaced with celery. My version of cucumber salad is a light, tangy, refreshing salad with a bit of a bite to it.

THE NIBBLES


Ingredients:
1 large or two smallish English cucumber(s)
1 small red onion
4-6 stalks of celery
1/2 Tbsp sugar
1-2 tsp chili oil
1/4 to 1/2 cup rice or rice wine vinegar
1 Tbsp black or white sesame seeds toasted (black make for more dramatic visual effect, but toasting white ones adds a bit off nutty deliciousness)
kosher salt
fresh ground black pepper

I love to slice, dice, cut, chop, and whatever else I can do with a knife when it comes to food, but a mandolin set to the thin setting (as long as it's 1/4 inch or thinner) will make super fast work of this dish.

Slice the cucumbers in half length wise and then cut each half into 1/4 half moon shapes. Slice the celery into the same thickness. I like a ratio of 2:2:1 (cuc:celery:onion) so depending on your cucumber, you'll use anywhere from 4-6 stalks of celery. Take the red onion and cut it into quarters before slicing it into thin strips. You don't want a dice with this nor do you want super thick or long slices. They should end up about the same length as your little half moon cucumbers.

If you are using white sesame seeds, now is the time to toast them. Pour your seeds into a small pan over medium high heat. Gently shimmy and shake the pan over the heat to keep the seeds moving. Give them a toss or two (or stir if you can't toss/flip a pan) and let them cook until you are just starting to smell the nutty sesame odor waft from the pan. They will be slightly golden. Pull them off the heat and immediately pour then onto a plate to allow them to cool.

Throw all of the veggies in a big bowl and douse with vinegar, chili oil, kosher salt and pepper. I'm not big on exact measurements. I usually start with a few sprinkles of everything and just keep adding until I have just enough on the veggies to taste it on first bite. I'm big on the whole taste as you go method. The vinegar and chili oil WILL soak into these super porous water veggies so don't over do it! Sprinkle the sugar and sesame seeds over everything and toss to combine.

Chill in the fridge for 1-3 hours. This will get everything nice and cold as well as allow the vinegar and oil to soak into the veggies.

The veggies will stay crisp for about 2 days but then they'll start to get wilty and soft so eat up!

Extreme close up: hello little sesame seeds, you look delicious!